Free will

It's a funny thing being away from the little faces and hands and toes that I spend my days with. Funny how hard it is to get used to free will again -- to eat, void, exercise and shop as one pleases.

I know it is only a fleeting moment of free will. Maybe that's why I am hesitant to settle in to it.

Tomorrow night, I will be standing over the sink inhaling a salad and making a mad dash for the bathroom when my bladder has reached capacity, 30 minutes ago. And I will go back to being a stranger to my beloved TJ Maxx & Marshalls.

I will long to take the time to trim and file my nails instead of biting them off because it is quicker and doesn't require finding the necessary tools.
I will plan to shave my legs, only to have the shower cut short, by a one or two year old needing a snack or another book or to tell me that they pooped.
I will make lists for shopping, and then find creative substitutions for the things we have run out of when shopping doesn't happen. (We use napkins in place of toilet paper quite regularly at our house.)
I will drink my morning coffee cold or not at all, as I toast waffles and cut them into bite size pieces carefully applying enough syrup to make them palatable, but not enough to induce diabetes or childhood obesity.

But that's ok. Really --

Last night in the hotel room I bit my nails because I didn't have a set of clippers with me -- yeah, I could have run out and gotten some, but I didn't.
And I left my razor at home, so the hair on my legs is only increasing in length, despite the uninterrupted showers.
And while I did go shopping today after class, I spent a large amount of time in the kids section of Target. And I did not buy a razor or nail clippers or a nail file.
And the coffee -- well, it just doesn't taste the same as when Rebecca helps me scoop it.

It's just fine with me because the little people I am doing it for are totally worth it. And this brief glimpse at free will reminds me it isn't as good as what I have going at home.